Guy who wants to move into design was given a template activation.

He installed the template and then stopped. He didn’t do any color changes, no logo/picture replacement, he did jack shit. He then sat on the ticket for over a month before handing it back to our department with the note that he didn’t have the time to complete the ticket.

I will straight up strangle him.

Email from a client

The owner is saying that the site just looks too plain and is looking for a “WOW” factor  can you give us some suggestions and what you can do to make it that “WO(W”[sic]

If you have any ideas on how we can improve the site to make it “WWWWOOOOOWWW” please let me know!!!!!!

How about your owner shows us what he thinks is WWWWWOOOOOOWWWWW because that doesn’t mean anything to me. Like people saying “Just make it pop!” Uh, what the hell are you talking about? What = pop! to you???

I bet he’s thinking of animated gifs and blinking shit.

I love it when my co-workers argue with me about something they think is design-related, but isn’t at all. If the WYSIWYG isn’t able to do something, I am not the person you talk to about that. You need to talk to development.

If I tell you there is no coding telling something to do what you think code is telling it, believe me. I’m not being an asshole just to be one. I want to fix your problem and get on with my life. And if I can’t fix it because I don’t have the ability to, then stop arguing with me because you are certain it’s something I can fix!

Wannabe design co-worker

The person who wants to move into our department was asking my lead some questions about our department. You know, things he should have asked before wanting to move so bad. He doesn’t realize that even though our department is called “Design” we are mostly a production job and more like Tier 2 Tech Support. He wants to make websites only from what it sounds like. Yeah, you aren’t going to be doing that here. They just farmed out our design work to a third party because our CEO doesn’t think that the department can actually design. Not sure why he thinks that. I was never asked to present a portfolio when I started working here and that should have been my biggest red flag. But I was right out of school and now I’m just working to meet that magic mark where I, on paper, have the experience to get a real design job.

Anyway, I told me lead that he should ask to see the potential’s portfolio because I was really curious.

My lead asks him and the potential tells him the following:

1. He pretty much lost everything he’s ever done
2. He put it all on a disk
3. He lost said disk BACK IN 2000

Dude, your work from over 10 years ago is not good. Nobody’s is. The community changes dramatically all the time. I look at my work from even 5 years ago and cringe.

There is a page on our company wiki called: Support Tasks That Should Not Be Sent To Design

I have bookmarked it for future reference for showing to co-workers.

THIS IS THE BEST. MONDAY. EVER.

We have a customer who has a playlist of parody mp3s where they have rewritten the lyrics for their company but have used the actual song backing track.

Old white men singing re-written funk songs that were original about sex for their company.

It. Is. GOLD.

And in no way legal.

I have queued all of them up because awesome as shit.

Design request: Change the font to “something cooler”

I don’t have that typeface and if I did, I would have removed it a long time ago…

Discussing the support guy who wants to come into design who doesn’t even understand basic color theory.

Co-worker 1: I’m going to just continue putting off training him until everyone forgets.
Co-worker 2 (not a designer): You should train him how to read a site update ticket first.
Me: